I spend a lot of my life thinking, "I'll start this tomorrow" or "I'll do this tomorrow" or next week or next month or next Monday, etc. I often procrastinate doing something now because I don't feel like doing it. Either I'm tired or moody or feeling down or stressed from my day. I'm out of discipline, drive, energy, focus, etc. Somehow I magically think that tomorrow or the next day or next week or at some point in the near future, I will magically wake up energized and enthused and wanting to whatever hard task I want to get done. This is anywhere from finishing a cleaning project to exercising and eating a healthy diet. I will be sitting on the couch watching TV, knowing I should get up and go tidy the kitchen or make a nutritious meal or clean the bathroom or work on my book, but I just don't feel like doing it at that moment.
Today, I already blogged about sleeping in late and being lazy and unmotivated for the last couple days. I have been dragging around this listless person who really doesn't want to do anything. Not even the activities I normally enjoy, such as reading and writing or working on an art project. Nothing sounds appealing or enjoyable.
I have had a yoga/mindfulness CD for the past couple weeks that I hadn't even listened to yet. I finally popped that in this afternoon and did Part 1 of the yoga practice, which was 45 minutes in length. First, I wanted to stop it before it was done because I was feeling bored and restless, but I wouldn't let myself. I was going to do the entire 45 minute practice, no matter what. And it wasn't difficult; in fact it was a very easy practice. There were only a couple poses that had my muscles shaking with the effort. It was a lot of sitting with the breath and just being in the moment.
When it was over, I was so happy with myself for having done it, because I honestly hadn't felt like doing it. I hadn't been in the mood or motivated at all. I only did it out of sheer willpower to not completely waste the day as I had yesterday. And I was proud for having accomplished something.
Then it struck me, I will never feel like doing whatever it is I want to do. I will feel tomorrow exactly how I feel today. I will feel as tired and unmotivated as I do right now. There is no difference between today and tomorrow in my level of energy and motivation. I keep thinking somehow I will get the energy and motivation, just wake up with it, but it just doesn't work that way. Whatever you put in, you get out. So, if I'm putting in no energy into my life, I'm not going to get any out. If I put no discipline in my life, I'm not going to be disciplined. If I'm not motivating myself, I'm not going to be motivated. If I'm lazy, then I will feel lazy. If I'm unmotivated, I will feel unmotivated. If I think negatively, I will feel negatively. Momentum isn't self-creating. It takes external force to create momentum, and I am the only one who can provide myself that external force.
If I want to accomplish anything, I have to do. Reading is not doing. Thinking about it is not doing. Planning to do it is not doing. I have to actual do the thing, no matter how I feel.
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