Eating - And Eating Some More

I can honestly say that I have been sticking to my goal of exercising every day.  I am up to 150 minutes toward my goal!  I feel good about that.

On the other hand, my eating...  I did well for two 'whole' days and then for the past two days...  Not that I want to label my days "good" or "bad" based on my eating, but I would like to be able to say that I'm not binge eating.  And while I'm not binge eating as badly as I used to binge eat, I'm still eating more than I need to eat.  KNOWINGLY eating more than I need to eat.  I'm full, recognize I'm full, and still I eat.

Sometimes, like right now, I feel like it won't matter how many books I read or how much I meditate or exercise or try to 'fix' myself, I will never be free of this demon.

I wish I didn't feel this way about myself.

Still, I have to shake myself out of this self-pity party.  There's nothing for me to 'fix' and thinking that way only leads to more over-eating.  I am working on being gentler and more compassionate with myself.  For instance, maybe I did eat more than I needed to eat, but it happens and it's already in the past and I can just move on and strive to do better right now and tomorrow.  At least I stopped and didn't continue.  At least I'm eating less than I had before.  At least I recognize when I am doing it and not eating mindlessly.  Based on what I've read, this acknowledgement is considered part of the planning to make a change.  Like change happens in steps and if you take the time and allow yourself to go through the steps, if you just have patience that you will get to the other side, then the change will happen.  Forcing change too soon can cause a backfire (apparently).  I've spent 20 years creating the neural paths that lead me to overeat, so give myself a break in making new neural paths.  It isn't easy.