Yesterday went well. I stayed under my calories, exercised, got my work done, did some house cleaning and felt in control. I wish every day could be like that. I jogged/walked to my parents', which was good to get some fresh air, then walked on the treadmill while watching a movie. It was an uplifting movie, which I think is important too.
Today has been good so far. Started the morning with a bowl of oatmeal. In a little bit, I'm going to take a break from work and jog on the treadmill. This evening, I'll take the kids for some fresh air outside.
Scale is still up, of course. If only it went down as quickly as it goes up. I'm just taking things one day at a time. Three things I really need to try to do, every day:
1. Get outside - I work from home so it's easy to never leave the house. But, I always feel better after getting some fresh air and exercise.
2. Exercise at night - even if I work out in the morning, I need to do something in the evening, even if its just a walk. It's mood lifting, which is important.
3. Make dinner - I'm finding on the nights I take the effort to make dinner rather than heating something up or letting everyone fend for themselves, I eat a lot less calories for that meal.
So, that's my plan, to try to stick to those easy tasks.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Horrible Weigh-In
Apparently I did less well on Turkey Day than I had thought. Or I'd had more of a binge than ever before. Usually my good days balance out my bad days so that I maintain or only gain a little weight back. Not so for this week. Last week I weighed in at 133.8 and this morning I weighed in at 136. Not good! Put me back into a fat percentage range of 41% - I had been under 39% fat for months. :(
Moving forward. I put my bodybugg on this morning along with my exercise clothes. I've been over 136 and lost the weight before and I can do it again. It sucks to be moving in the wrong direction, but maybe it's a kick in the pants that I need to stop this binging cycle.
I finished out okay yesterday. I had two pieces of toast and a sugar-free hot chocolate before going to bed. The calories weren't in my bank. But, not a binge.
I also walked 3.2 miles on the treadmill, following by a strength training workout.
Already put my workout clothes on this morning. I want to get a good jog in.
Moving forward. I put my bodybugg on this morning along with my exercise clothes. I've been over 136 and lost the weight before and I can do it again. It sucks to be moving in the wrong direction, but maybe it's a kick in the pants that I need to stop this binging cycle.
I finished out okay yesterday. I had two pieces of toast and a sugar-free hot chocolate before going to bed. The calories weren't in my bank. But, not a binge.
I also walked 3.2 miles on the treadmill, following by a strength training workout.
Already put my workout clothes on this morning. I want to get a good jog in.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thanksgiving went well, after..
not so great.
Thanksgiving day, I woke up early and jogged halfway to my parents' house, walking the other half. It's 2.5 miles, thereabouts. Includes a couple hills. Not a bad workout.
I ate a bowl of bran cereal and a banana before the big dinner. I made the super salad. Dinner I ate pretty much how I wanted, although I included sweet potatoes and a dinner roll. Nothing to cry about. I snacked later that night on some turkey and cranberry sauce. I had my one piece of pie (no more). I was happy with the outcome.
Friday was super busy with shopping. I never sat down to a meal; just snacked a few times on leftovers and fruit. I probably went a little over my calories because I wasn't sticking to low-cal food necessarily, but I wasn't overeating. I ate until I was full but no more than that.
Saturday was the bad day. Major binge last night. I woke late, worked on my book for a few hours and then went out to run some must-do errands. I hadn't wanted to go out, actually. I procrastinated until the late afternoon. Then, while out, I decided I was just going to grab something for dinner and take it home. I spoke with hubby and he wanted something not too fattening, so I chose El Pollo - got myself a chicken salad. So far, so good. I hadn't overeaten up to that point.
Got home and the house was a wreck. I hadn't cleaned since Thursday. Didn't have any energy to clean on Saturday. Went back to working on my book after I finished eating. Then I switched to reading. I'm into the Kathy Reichs series and I really get sucked into her books. I watched the kids set up and decorate the christmas tree while I was reading.
Then out came the christmas candy the kids had been given. I had my share. And then some. And then some more. Then a couple granola bars, which I don't even particularly like. Then a bowl of cereal. Then the kids' leftovers from dinner. Then some more candy. And on and on. Sick making.
This morning I felt like crap - didn't want to get out of bed.
And, so the story goes...
As usual, have been doing pretty well today, post-binge day. On the upswing again.
Thanksgiving day, I woke up early and jogged halfway to my parents' house, walking the other half. It's 2.5 miles, thereabouts. Includes a couple hills. Not a bad workout.
I ate a bowl of bran cereal and a banana before the big dinner. I made the super salad. Dinner I ate pretty much how I wanted, although I included sweet potatoes and a dinner roll. Nothing to cry about. I snacked later that night on some turkey and cranberry sauce. I had my one piece of pie (no more). I was happy with the outcome.
Friday was super busy with shopping. I never sat down to a meal; just snacked a few times on leftovers and fruit. I probably went a little over my calories because I wasn't sticking to low-cal food necessarily, but I wasn't overeating. I ate until I was full but no more than that.
Saturday was the bad day. Major binge last night. I woke late, worked on my book for a few hours and then went out to run some must-do errands. I hadn't wanted to go out, actually. I procrastinated until the late afternoon. Then, while out, I decided I was just going to grab something for dinner and take it home. I spoke with hubby and he wanted something not too fattening, so I chose El Pollo - got myself a chicken salad. So far, so good. I hadn't overeaten up to that point.
Got home and the house was a wreck. I hadn't cleaned since Thursday. Didn't have any energy to clean on Saturday. Went back to working on my book after I finished eating. Then I switched to reading. I'm into the Kathy Reichs series and I really get sucked into her books. I watched the kids set up and decorate the christmas tree while I was reading.
Then out came the christmas candy the kids had been given. I had my share. And then some. And then some more. Then a couple granola bars, which I don't even particularly like. Then a bowl of cereal. Then the kids' leftovers from dinner. Then some more candy. And on and on. Sick making.
This morning I felt like crap - didn't want to get out of bed.
And, so the story goes...
As usual, have been doing pretty well today, post-binge day. On the upswing again.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Dinner Out
The last couple days have gone pretty well, eating-wise. I stayed within my calorie budget yesterday and walked 4 miles on the treadmill, as well as doing some Pilates, FINALLY. I felt better for it today. I was disappointed at how difficult the Pilates was to do - I've really lost some ground in having reduced my exercising to only walking or jogging. I was doing Zumba and other strength training exercises before we moved back to California, and had been in pretty good shape, but I have apparently gone soft. I definitely need to make a point of using my exercise DVD's and weights regularly, as well as the walking and jogging.
Today I did really well with my eating, even with eating out. Hubby and I went on a date to Chili's and I chose grilled chicken with rice and beans. It was on the guiltless menu. I don't know the exact calorie count, but it is supposed to be under 700 calories for the entire meal, and I didn't eat the entire meal. It was really good, too! I love when I choose well AND it tastes great. Too often I've gone for the low-cal choice on the menu and it hasn't been very palatable. I drank water rather than a cocktail and ate a small bag of peanut M&M's rather than a dessert at the restaurant. All in all, a good day in my book. Although I haven't exercised yet, now that I think about it.
I'm gearing up for tomorrow. My contribution to dinner is a very large super salad with a huge mix of veggies. For my dinner, I'm going to fill my plate with the salad, add a bit of turkey and cranberry sauce, and finish off with a piece of pumpkin pie. I'm then going to go for a very long walk. I think it's important to have planned ahead of time what I'm going to eat. I'm including my favories (the cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie) and foregoing my less faves (the potatoes, veggies in cream sauce and stuffing). I'll be taking my walking shoes with me. Maybe I can get my dad and sister to walk with me, but if not, then I'm more than happy to do it alone.
In honor of the holiday, here are the top 5 things I'm thankful for this year:
1. To have a healthy family.
2. To be healthy myself - to be fully functioning and active.
3. To have our jobs - we are SO lucky in this economy.
4. To be an American.
5. To have a truly wonderful husband who loves me.
I hope everyone has a fantastic Thanksgiving!
Today I did really well with my eating, even with eating out. Hubby and I went on a date to Chili's and I chose grilled chicken with rice and beans. It was on the guiltless menu. I don't know the exact calorie count, but it is supposed to be under 700 calories for the entire meal, and I didn't eat the entire meal. It was really good, too! I love when I choose well AND it tastes great. Too often I've gone for the low-cal choice on the menu and it hasn't been very palatable. I drank water rather than a cocktail and ate a small bag of peanut M&M's rather than a dessert at the restaurant. All in all, a good day in my book. Although I haven't exercised yet, now that I think about it.
I'm gearing up for tomorrow. My contribution to dinner is a very large super salad with a huge mix of veggies. For my dinner, I'm going to fill my plate with the salad, add a bit of turkey and cranberry sauce, and finish off with a piece of pumpkin pie. I'm then going to go for a very long walk. I think it's important to have planned ahead of time what I'm going to eat. I'm including my favories (the cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie) and foregoing my less faves (the potatoes, veggies in cream sauce and stuffing). I'll be taking my walking shoes with me. Maybe I can get my dad and sister to walk with me, but if not, then I'm more than happy to do it alone.
In honor of the holiday, here are the top 5 things I'm thankful for this year:
1. To have a healthy family.
2. To be healthy myself - to be fully functioning and active.
3. To have our jobs - we are SO lucky in this economy.
4. To be an American.
5. To have a truly wonderful husband who loves me.
I hope everyone has a fantastic Thanksgiving!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sick
I'm finally feeling more normal after nearly a week of being sick. I spent lots of time last week on the couch. Not much work done, which is a bummer. But, feeling a lot more normal since Friday.
Eating-wise has been okay. I wouldn't say great by any stretch, or even good really, as there were a few occasions of unecessary overeating. One night in particular, I wasn't hungry but HAD to eat. Fortunately, though, my clean-out of the cupboards resulted in fewer calories being consumed, so that's something. And last night I did particularly well not overeating. I did some grocery shopping over the weekend and stocked up on produce and healthy foods.
I haven't been up to exercising, of course. Last week I went for a walk on Tuesday and a walk on Saturday. Otherwise, no exercise. I've already arranged to go for a walk/jog with my sister this afternoon, though. I really need to get my arse moving again. I also need to get back on the Pilates wagon because my back has been really bothering me for the past few weeks and when I was doing Pilates regularly my back hadn't bothered me much at all.
I'm finally nearly finished with the book The End of Overeating. It is chock-full of interesting theories as to why we overeat, from food industry tricks to brain chemical reaction, to habitual responses. Such as, the more junk food you eat, the more you want to eat it. I'm in the last section of the book, which finally deals with how to stop overeating. It's really just common sense - meal planning, avoiding junk food, mindful eating, learning to judge hunger, portion control, eat more whole food, eat more protein, etc. etc. etc. Absolutely nothing new there. I did enjoy reading about various studies with regard to how our brains react to certain foods, particularly sugar, fat and salt. And also how the food industry uses sugar, fat and salt, and also how it processes food to make eating easier, resulting in more calories consumed in shorter time periods. Nothing shocking or surprising, but good to cogitate over. It isn't that any of this stuff is new but it is beneficial for me to be reminded. I guess I'm a slow study :) Slow to put it into practice. Although I know I should give myself a break - it is one thing to recognize a problem and another to change one's behavior. I totally do NOT agree that recognizing the problem is half the battle :)
Eating-wise has been okay. I wouldn't say great by any stretch, or even good really, as there were a few occasions of unecessary overeating. One night in particular, I wasn't hungry but HAD to eat. Fortunately, though, my clean-out of the cupboards resulted in fewer calories being consumed, so that's something. And last night I did particularly well not overeating. I did some grocery shopping over the weekend and stocked up on produce and healthy foods.
I haven't been up to exercising, of course. Last week I went for a walk on Tuesday and a walk on Saturday. Otherwise, no exercise. I've already arranged to go for a walk/jog with my sister this afternoon, though. I really need to get my arse moving again. I also need to get back on the Pilates wagon because my back has been really bothering me for the past few weeks and when I was doing Pilates regularly my back hadn't bothered me much at all.
I'm finally nearly finished with the book The End of Overeating. It is chock-full of interesting theories as to why we overeat, from food industry tricks to brain chemical reaction, to habitual responses. Such as, the more junk food you eat, the more you want to eat it. I'm in the last section of the book, which finally deals with how to stop overeating. It's really just common sense - meal planning, avoiding junk food, mindful eating, learning to judge hunger, portion control, eat more whole food, eat more protein, etc. etc. etc. Absolutely nothing new there. I did enjoy reading about various studies with regard to how our brains react to certain foods, particularly sugar, fat and salt. And also how the food industry uses sugar, fat and salt, and also how it processes food to make eating easier, resulting in more calories consumed in shorter time periods. Nothing shocking or surprising, but good to cogitate over. It isn't that any of this stuff is new but it is beneficial for me to be reminded. I guess I'm a slow study :) Slow to put it into practice. Although I know I should give myself a break - it is one thing to recognize a problem and another to change one's behavior. I totally do NOT agree that recognizing the problem is half the battle :)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
2 Steps
After reading several articles about binge eating and reading my post, I've taken the first two steps to what I hope is a permanent change in behavior:
Step 1: I was diagnosed early on (at 18) with low levels of seratonin and have struggled with depression throughout my adulthood. A common theme in people who tend toward overeating or binge eating is low levels of seratonin. I've always been resistant to anti-depressant medication because I don't like taking regular medication and "messing with" my system, I don't like how I felt on the medication I've tried, and I felt I could control my symptoms with my lifestyle choices. Today, however, I realized that maybe that is putting too much pressure on myself. I've been having other symptoms of depression the last few weeks (sleeping too much, avoiding people, avoiding everyday tasks, etc.) and maybe it's stupid for me to feel like I can control a physiological issue by sheer will alone. I wouldn't resist taking medication if I was told I had high blood pressure or a thyroid problem. Anyway, so I called my doctor and got a referral for a psyche consult.
Step 2: In reading what I had eaten last night, I thought "why do I have all this junk in my house?" Seriously, that's just stupid. It isn't like the kids need it either; on the contrary, they specifically SHOULD NOT be eating that junk either. So, I tossed the rest in the trash. I started to do this last week but didn't want to waste food the kids eat. Today, it struck me how lame this thinking is. This isn't food, it's JUNK. It's not only a waste of money whether we eat it or not, it's actually better that we DON'T eat it. So, in the trash it went. Including my very yummy dark choco blueberries. I can't have treats in the house.
Step 1: I was diagnosed early on (at 18) with low levels of seratonin and have struggled with depression throughout my adulthood. A common theme in people who tend toward overeating or binge eating is low levels of seratonin. I've always been resistant to anti-depressant medication because I don't like taking regular medication and "messing with" my system, I don't like how I felt on the medication I've tried, and I felt I could control my symptoms with my lifestyle choices. Today, however, I realized that maybe that is putting too much pressure on myself. I've been having other symptoms of depression the last few weeks (sleeping too much, avoiding people, avoiding everyday tasks, etc.) and maybe it's stupid for me to feel like I can control a physiological issue by sheer will alone. I wouldn't resist taking medication if I was told I had high blood pressure or a thyroid problem. Anyway, so I called my doctor and got a referral for a psyche consult.
Step 2: In reading what I had eaten last night, I thought "why do I have all this junk in my house?" Seriously, that's just stupid. It isn't like the kids need it either; on the contrary, they specifically SHOULD NOT be eating that junk either. So, I tossed the rest in the trash. I started to do this last week but didn't want to waste food the kids eat. Today, it struck me how lame this thinking is. This isn't food, it's JUNK. It's not only a waste of money whether we eat it or not, it's actually better that we DON'T eat it. So, in the trash it went. Including my very yummy dark choco blueberries. I can't have treats in the house.
Binge Eating
I've been doing some reading today. The last couple days have been ridiculous with regard to how much I've been eating. Just to give you an idea, here's what I ate last night between about 6:00 pm and 9:00 pm:
3 slices pizza
4 servings dark chocolate candy
2 poptarts
2 Nature Valley Sweet & Salty bars
8 saltines with cheddar cheese
Yes, I felt sick after eating all that. Nope, it didn't stop me from wanting to eat more. I also drank 2 diet sodas and 2 bottles of water.
So, here's what I came across in my reading:
I can honestly say that this fits my cycle.
Here's my thinking: I have to stop beating myself up for lacking self-control and willpower to stop overeating and focus on how to overcome my binge eating. Why do I binge eat? How can I redirect myself? I've set rules for myself in my attempt to control my overeating, such as avoiding sugar, processed foods, drinking tea at night instead of eating, not allowing myself to eat in front of the tv, etc. These rules work fine when I'm in control. They don't work at all when I'm not in control.
My cycle is to be in control for a day or two or several and then to lose control and overeat for half a day, a day or two, more if I feel particularly upset with myself.
What causes me to lose control? If it was a matter of that I ate a candy bar when I had intended not to, I could live with that. The problem is when I eat the equivelent of 5 candy bars. And while I'm doing it I don't give a damn that I am overeating, that I will be disgusted with myself. I have regained control the day I've lost control, but it's usually not until the next day or the day after that I get back on program. Probably, I indulge just enough to consider myself off program, which then allows me to eat as much as I want at the time because I'm off program. So, I eat one candy bar but I can fit that into my calories. Then I eat a second candy bar, which means I won't have a deficit for the day, but that's okay because I'm okay with breaking even. But, then I eat a third candy bar and now I'm off program, out of control, let's eat some more.
However, if I say there IS no program, then I'll eat 5 candy bars every day. Not setting a limit doesn't work either.
More reading...
3 slices pizza
4 servings dark chocolate candy
2 poptarts
2 Nature Valley Sweet & Salty bars
8 saltines with cheddar cheese
Yes, I felt sick after eating all that. Nope, it didn't stop me from wanting to eat more. I also drank 2 diet sodas and 2 bottles of water.
So, here's what I came across in my reading:
DO I NEED HELP FOR BINGE EATING? |
| Ask yourself the following questions. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you have binge eating disorder. |
|
I can honestly say that this fits my cycle.
Here's my thinking: I have to stop beating myself up for lacking self-control and willpower to stop overeating and focus on how to overcome my binge eating. Why do I binge eat? How can I redirect myself? I've set rules for myself in my attempt to control my overeating, such as avoiding sugar, processed foods, drinking tea at night instead of eating, not allowing myself to eat in front of the tv, etc. These rules work fine when I'm in control. They don't work at all when I'm not in control.
My cycle is to be in control for a day or two or several and then to lose control and overeat for half a day, a day or two, more if I feel particularly upset with myself.
What causes me to lose control? If it was a matter of that I ate a candy bar when I had intended not to, I could live with that. The problem is when I eat the equivelent of 5 candy bars. And while I'm doing it I don't give a damn that I am overeating, that I will be disgusted with myself. I have regained control the day I've lost control, but it's usually not until the next day or the day after that I get back on program. Probably, I indulge just enough to consider myself off program, which then allows me to eat as much as I want at the time because I'm off program. So, I eat one candy bar but I can fit that into my calories. Then I eat a second candy bar, which means I won't have a deficit for the day, but that's okay because I'm okay with breaking even. But, then I eat a third candy bar and now I'm off program, out of control, let's eat some more.
However, if I say there IS no program, then I'll eat 5 candy bars every day. Not setting a limit doesn't work either.
More reading...
Monday, November 15, 2010
Down the chute
Fell off the wagon AGAIN the last two days. I have no idea what to think or say about it.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Running
I felt like a bona-fide runner this morning: I've been meeting my dad for coffee less than a mile away and then walking with him back to his house, which is another 2 miles away. Yesterday, I decided to jog to the coffee place to up my calorie burn. Today, I decided to start off earlier and jog to wherever my dad had got to. Turned out, that was about a mile and a half away and up a hill. It took me about fifteen minutes. Jogging along the street, around corners and up a hill just made me feel like I was actually jogging somewhere rather than just inserting some jogging into my walk, if that makes sense. I even passed other joggers and walkers. After we walked back to the coffee shop, we walked to my sister's but she was ill so we walked to my dad's house, which is about 2 miles from my sister's and features two pretty hectic hills. So, all in all, a really good workout.
Which is good because eating was not so good yesterday. I don't know why, but I gave in to the call of the sweets and ate a few goodies that I've been avoiding. I really need to get this stuff cleared from my cupboard so I don't feel like I'm constantly denying myself stuff. The kids will just have to learn to live without those particular goodies.
But, I'm back on track today and I feel okay with my hiccup. I can deal with occasional derailments, as long as I get myself sorted quicksmart and don't turn it into weeks of indulging.
Plans this weekend include a bike ride with my daughter and some food shopping for stuff to fill the cupboards that I can eat.
I also found a great article on weight loss. The secret: Eat less. :)
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/11/weight.loss.race/index.html
Which is good because eating was not so good yesterday. I don't know why, but I gave in to the call of the sweets and ate a few goodies that I've been avoiding. I really need to get this stuff cleared from my cupboard so I don't feel like I'm constantly denying myself stuff. The kids will just have to learn to live without those particular goodies.
But, I'm back on track today and I feel okay with my hiccup. I can deal with occasional derailments, as long as I get myself sorted quicksmart and don't turn it into weeks of indulging.
Plans this weekend include a bike ride with my daughter and some food shopping for stuff to fill the cupboards that I can eat.
I also found a great article on weight loss. The secret: Eat less. :)
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/11/weight.loss.race/index.html
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Skipping Along
Been doing pretty well with the ol diet routine. I managed to avoid sugar for several days until last night. I ate two cookies and a Nutri-Grain Bar last night. Nothing to cry about, for sure. I was wanting to eat more last night and not sure why. Monday and Tuesday nights I did well not snacking too much in the late PM, so not sure what was different about last night. Except maybe because I am stressy about money again. Hubby's earnings are down, again, and he hasn't been working a lot this week either. Through no fault of his own this time, at least. Well, mostly. He could have worked a bit more hours this week, but he's done pretty well. His paycheck is down through no fault of his own, though. And we're not going to pay all the bills we currently owe, which is never a good place to be. So, I guess that could be the driving force behind my wanting to eat more. That and hormones from my lovely lady cycle. Gotta love those.
Still, I'm not upset with myself because I haven't completely let go. I've avoided and turned down junk food in the last few days and so I feel good that I am demonstrating that I CAN control myself. Success breeds success, after all.
Work is a mess. I am swamped again. In fact, that's what hubby was supposed to be doing this week, reducing my workload, and he did to some degree but not as much as he could have. He did more than I thought he would and less than he could have. Same ol, same ol.
Exercise has been good. I haven't been burning down the house or anything, but I've been consistently walking and jogging every day. I also did some strength-training on Monday for the first time in forever and was sore for two days after. I like the consistency, though. I've only gone one day without exercising since the first of the month.
Still, I'm not upset with myself because I haven't completely let go. I've avoided and turned down junk food in the last few days and so I feel good that I am demonstrating that I CAN control myself. Success breeds success, after all.
Work is a mess. I am swamped again. In fact, that's what hubby was supposed to be doing this week, reducing my workload, and he did to some degree but not as much as he could have. He did more than I thought he would and less than he could have. Same ol, same ol.
Exercise has been good. I haven't been burning down the house or anything, but I've been consistently walking and jogging every day. I also did some strength-training on Monday for the first time in forever and was sore for two days after. I like the consistency, though. I've only gone one day without exercising since the first of the month.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Monday, Monday
Not my favorite day for sure. Especially when I have a huge project to finish by mid-afternoon, and a presentation to prepare for hanging over my head. I HATE giving presentations, especially on a peer level.
Anyway, so my eating... I did make out my menu, but I didn't do very well sticking to it. In fact, I don't think I ate but two meals off my menu since I wrote it. But, I don't think it was a waste of time at all. It gave me an opportunity to mentalize all the foods in my kitchen that I CAN and SHOULD eat. I usually focus on what I can't eat and focusing on what I could eat was good for me.
Friday morning, however, did not go well. I ate, ate, ate, ate. Junk, junk, junk, for the first five or six hours of the day. I felt like crap. I had eaten like crap on Thursday night too. I had a conversation with my sister about it on Friday afternoon. I was moaning about how I couldn't seem to control my eating and why was it so hard and I felt like giving up... major pity party about it. She strongly urged me to stop and go work out, if nothing else, give myself some happy hormones. I very, very reluctantly agreed. Initially I'd had no intention of exercising, but she talked me into it. I also decided then and there that I wouldn't eat again the rest of the day, except for raw veggies or a salad. There was no reason to give up the rest of the day to bad eating just cuz i had started out that way.
I also decided I HAVE to stay away from the damn sugar. It's my kryptonite and I have to stay away from it.
So, Friday night I jogged/walked five miles and ate nothing else the rest of the day. I felt my better that night. Saturday, I ate really well. NO SUGAR!! I was already seeing a difference on the scale by Sunday morning.
Sunday I ate well enough. I did well until dinner at my parents', which turned out to be a major food-fest. I guess my dad was hungry when he prepared the meal. :) The really good thing is that because of his diabetes we had sugar-free pie and lean meat and lots of veggies for dinner. I ate A LOT but healthy foods and no sugar!
Last night I snacked on measured portions of popcorn, broccoli and a cup of hot chocolate with fat-free milk and sugar-free cocoa. I probably didn't need the added calories, but I figured it was more important for me to concentrate on not eating sugar that not eating at all. One thing at a time. I have noticed that since I haven't been eating sugar, I haven't been bingeing in the evening. Even last night's snacks were eaten over a period of several hours and all in normal portions.
It feels good to feel like I have some control again.
Anyway, so my eating... I did make out my menu, but I didn't do very well sticking to it. In fact, I don't think I ate but two meals off my menu since I wrote it. But, I don't think it was a waste of time at all. It gave me an opportunity to mentalize all the foods in my kitchen that I CAN and SHOULD eat. I usually focus on what I can't eat and focusing on what I could eat was good for me.
Friday morning, however, did not go well. I ate, ate, ate, ate. Junk, junk, junk, for the first five or six hours of the day. I felt like crap. I had eaten like crap on Thursday night too. I had a conversation with my sister about it on Friday afternoon. I was moaning about how I couldn't seem to control my eating and why was it so hard and I felt like giving up... major pity party about it. She strongly urged me to stop and go work out, if nothing else, give myself some happy hormones. I very, very reluctantly agreed. Initially I'd had no intention of exercising, but she talked me into it. I also decided then and there that I wouldn't eat again the rest of the day, except for raw veggies or a salad. There was no reason to give up the rest of the day to bad eating just cuz i had started out that way.
I also decided I HAVE to stay away from the damn sugar. It's my kryptonite and I have to stay away from it.
So, Friday night I jogged/walked five miles and ate nothing else the rest of the day. I felt my better that night. Saturday, I ate really well. NO SUGAR!! I was already seeing a difference on the scale by Sunday morning.
Sunday I ate well enough. I did well until dinner at my parents', which turned out to be a major food-fest. I guess my dad was hungry when he prepared the meal. :) The really good thing is that because of his diabetes we had sugar-free pie and lean meat and lots of veggies for dinner. I ate A LOT but healthy foods and no sugar!
Last night I snacked on measured portions of popcorn, broccoli and a cup of hot chocolate with fat-free milk and sugar-free cocoa. I probably didn't need the added calories, but I figured it was more important for me to concentrate on not eating sugar that not eating at all. One thing at a time. I have noticed that since I haven't been eating sugar, I haven't been bingeing in the evening. Even last night's snacks were eaten over a period of several hours and all in normal portions.
It feels good to feel like I have some control again.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
It's important to be consistent
I am nothing if not consistent. Actually, hubby would dispute that statement, but he's not reading this, doesn't even know my blog exists, so I can say that. Yesterday I again ate over 2000 calories, although I'm not sure exactly how many over. Here's what I ate:
Shredded Wheat nBran Cereal w/ non-fat milk
coffee with sugar-free creamer
Nutrigrain Bar
El Pollo Bowl (chicken, beans and rice)
1 mini Reese's
2 Strawberry Poptarts
3/4 cup low-cal Chicken Alfredo
6 oz margarita
1 mini Snicker's Bar
2 Starburst candies
1 Tootsie Pop
Obviously, Halloween is not my friend. It doesn't seem like a lot of food, but I did the calorie calculation last night and when I got to 2000 calories, I stopped.
Workout was a 30 minute walk, 2.2 miles.
I decided to take Christine's advise and plan my meals ahead of time. I dusted off my Excel program and got myself up and running. Knowing what I had in the fridge and cupboard made it easy. (Am I the only one who could name every item on the shelves of the fridge?) I planned for breakfast, lunch, dinner and two snacks.
This morning, according to my menu, I was to eat a bowl of Shredded Wheat n Bran Cereal. Instead, I ate a piece of whole wheat bread with light cream cheese and a banana. Well, at least I know what I'll be having for my snack (apple slices).
Shredded Wheat nBran Cereal w/ non-fat milk
coffee with sugar-free creamer
Nutrigrain Bar
El Pollo Bowl (chicken, beans and rice)
1 mini Reese's
2 Strawberry Poptarts
3/4 cup low-cal Chicken Alfredo
6 oz margarita
1 mini Snicker's Bar
2 Starburst candies
1 Tootsie Pop
Obviously, Halloween is not my friend. It doesn't seem like a lot of food, but I did the calorie calculation last night and when I got to 2000 calories, I stopped.
Workout was a 30 minute walk, 2.2 miles.
I decided to take Christine's advise and plan my meals ahead of time. I dusted off my Excel program and got myself up and running. Knowing what I had in the fridge and cupboard made it easy. (Am I the only one who could name every item on the shelves of the fridge?) I planned for breakfast, lunch, dinner and two snacks.
This morning, according to my menu, I was to eat a bowl of Shredded Wheat n Bran Cereal. Instead, I ate a piece of whole wheat bread with light cream cheese and a banana. Well, at least I know what I'll be having for my snack (apple slices).
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
It's Not a Daily Battle
For me, the fight to control my eating is not a daily battle; it's a moment by moment battle. When I'm really distracted, I can go hours without thinking about food. But, otherwise I'm constantly thinking about what I'm going to eat, what I have in the fridge and cupboard, when I can next eat, as well as what I can't eat. I think a lot about what I can't eat. Every time I actually eat something, I'm battling with what I should eat and what I want to eat. Whether I should eat or shouldn't eat. How much I want to eat and how much I shouldn't eat. Sometimes these questions are posed several times in one hour. If I'm really busy concentrating on something or I'm out and about (I'm not prone to stopping for fast food), I can avoid these questions for hours. But, five days per week, I'm sitting at my desk, working. Seven nights per week, I'm sitting on my chair or the couch, reading or watching TV. Or I'm getting into bed and the questions plague me. The battle wages on, neverending.
This morning is an example of the constant battle and how I try to win it for team weight loss. I was hungry, opened the cupboard and saw the kids' cereal next to my box of wheat/bran cereal. I wanted the kids' cereal. I knew it would taste way better and satisfy that constant need for "treats." But, the wheat/bran is what my body needs. The wheat/bran is not a trigger food and will keep me satisfied longer.
I made a deal with myself: If I ate the wheat/bran cereal, but was still hungry I could have a small portion of the kids' cereal. I ate the wheat/bran cereal and my hunger was satisfied so I didn't need the sugared cereal. However, I did get hungry again 2 hours later and had a Nutri-Grain bar. I'm okay with that. I think I'll be fine until lunch.
The war wages on. Sometimes I win a battle, sometimes I lose. I need to remember to step back and look at the bigger picture.
This morning is an example of the constant battle and how I try to win it for team weight loss. I was hungry, opened the cupboard and saw the kids' cereal next to my box of wheat/bran cereal. I wanted the kids' cereal. I knew it would taste way better and satisfy that constant need for "treats." But, the wheat/bran is what my body needs. The wheat/bran is not a trigger food and will keep me satisfied longer.
I made a deal with myself: If I ate the wheat/bran cereal, but was still hungry I could have a small portion of the kids' cereal. I ate the wheat/bran cereal and my hunger was satisfied so I didn't need the sugared cereal. However, I did get hungry again 2 hours later and had a Nutri-Grain bar. I'm okay with that. I think I'll be fine until lunch.
The war wages on. Sometimes I win a battle, sometimes I lose. I need to remember to step back and look at the bigger picture.
Monday, November 1, 2010
I want to add...
I think I may be mis-representing my situation based on a recent post I read. I regularly eat 1600 to 2500 calories per day. My BMR is 1312. I have a sedentary job. When I exercise, I burn anywhere from 100 calories to 300 calories, depending on the exercise I do. I eat too much - I take in too many calories. This isn't a surprise, as I wouldn't have gotten fat in the first place if I didn't have a penchant for overeating. One slice of pie in one day isn't bad... 2 1/2 IS bad. If I eat pie, I don't stop at one piece. Therefore, it's best if I don't eat pie at all. I'm not berating myself for eating a piece of pie - I'm feeling upset because I seem to have completely stalled out on my weight loss by eating too much REGULARLY. I'm not talking about occasional indulgences; I'm talking about indulging in junk food most days, often several times a day. This is not something to make a sarcastic remark about; this is a serious problem that could easily result in me re-gaining 50 pounds. Obviously I haven't resolved the issues that lead to my weight gain in the first place.
And in case anyone sees my weight (134) and thinks that's normal, my current BMI is 29. And you can see from the following table that I'm at the upper reaches of overweight:
BMI Categories:
http://www.caloriesperhour.com/tutorial_exercise.php
And in case anyone sees my weight (134) and thinks that's normal, my current BMI is 29. And you can see from the following table that I'm at the upper reaches of overweight:
BMI Categories:
- Underweight = <18.5
- Normal weight = 18.5–24.9
- Overweight = 25–29.9
- Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater
http://www.caloriesperhour.com/tutorial_exercise.php
Coming Back
So, as I mentioned in my last post, I had really gone off the rails with my weight loss efforts. I decided to give it up altogether for a few days and then come back to it starting today, a Monday, the first. My thinking was that I had not given myself full permission to eat to my heart's (belly's?) content for a couple years. Even when I gave myself the mental nod to eat something that was not part of my weight loss efforts, it was always with a given clause. Such as "go ahead and eat the chocolate cake, but you'll have to workout extra or cut way back on your calories the rest of the day." Which I would usually not do. So, there was still a sense of failing even when I gave myself permission to indulge. Therefore, I decided to completely let myself off the hook for a few days. I ate candy, fast food, pie and drank margaritas with abandon. I even had a full-calorie soda. I ate when I felt hungry or felt like eating. I didn't count calories, exercise or wear my bodybugg. Basically, I behaved as I had for the years preceding my decision to lose weight...the years during which I was gaining weight. And you know what I decided? It wasn't all that great. I liked that I didn't have to count calories or try to restrain my culinary desires, but most of the time the foods I ate weren't nearly as satisfying as I had thought they would be. I wasn't on a blissful cloud of edible contentment. I didn't walk around feeling happy and satisfied because my belly was constantly full. I felt worried (about the amount of weight I was probably gaining), disappointed (that all the treats I had been denying myself didn't taste nearly as good when I gave myself complete freedom to eat them), sick (from eating too much and of the wrong things), tired (from lack of exercise), achey (in my back from not doing my pilates) and uncomfortable (because my pants were too snug around my waist). In fact, I also had a constant sense of discontent because what I had thought would happen, that I could finally satisfy all the cravings I'd been carrying around, didn't happen. I realized the food did NOT satisfy this inner sense of something missing. I was confusing a desire for whatever it is that is making me feel ill-content with my life with a desire for food. I still don't know why I constantly feel a underlying sense of unhappiness, but I do know that it isn't because I'm denying myself foods I want to eat.
I kinda feel like I should be slapping my forehead and saying "duh!" I mean, I realized at one time that I was using food as a salve for my unhappiness and that it wasn't working (because I was still unhappy when I was fat) and in fact made me more unhappy. Yep, I remember that now. I just don't know why I'm unhappy. Is it because of the expectations that I place on myself, which I never seem to fulfill? I recently read an article about how people who allow themselves to make mistakes, who are more laidback and less detail-oriented, are happier people. They may not be as "successful" as defined by the general populace, and they may not make great employees, but they tend to be more satisfied with life. They have lower expectations, of themselves, those around them and their "success."
Or maybe that's barking up the wrong tree...
I kinda feel like I should be slapping my forehead and saying "duh!" I mean, I realized at one time that I was using food as a salve for my unhappiness and that it wasn't working (because I was still unhappy when I was fat) and in fact made me more unhappy. Yep, I remember that now. I just don't know why I'm unhappy. Is it because of the expectations that I place on myself, which I never seem to fulfill? I recently read an article about how people who allow themselves to make mistakes, who are more laidback and less detail-oriented, are happier people. They may not be as "successful" as defined by the general populace, and they may not make great employees, but they tend to be more satisfied with life. They have lower expectations, of themselves, those around them and their "success."
Or maybe that's barking up the wrong tree...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)