Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Feeling Poorly

Not feeling my best today.  I have a slight headache and a bad tummy.  I think I may have eaten something that didn't agree with me (maybe my steamed veggies from the weekend).  That's the risk of preparing food ahead of time.  Or maybe it's nothing to do with what I've eaten.  On top of that, it's that time of month and a bad one.  It's freezing outside (literally, below freezing) and I just want to curl up with a warm fire and a book.  I can't do the fire, but I will curl up with a good book later.  Right now I'm working (really, I am, in the background). 

I don't think I'm going to get to any exercise today :(.  I did go to my dr. appt. to get a new PX for my migraines.  (Hopefully I won't need them but usually I do this time of month.)  I went to the library and restocked on books (just in time) and also stopped by the grocery store.  I was bummed because I really wanted to get some banana chips (I know, not the best food in the world, but literally it's my only form of junk food these days) but the only ones they had at the Wal-Mart had sugar added to them.  Why would they need to add sugar?!  Bananas are so sweet already.  All of the dried fruit had added sugar, which was a bummer.  I really wanted to get some treat so I don't feel so deprived but dried fruit is bad enough without adding unnecessary sugar.  I got fresh bananas instead (yes, I know it's better).  I didn't get much else in the way of food because I was in a hurry and I didn't know what to get.  Nothing with flour or sugar or cheese or onion or cured meats, etc. etc.  It really significantly narrow down the possibilities.  I bought myself some bananas, eggs, celery, apples, lettuce and natural peanut butter.

Enough pity party.  I requested a couple of whole foods cookbooks from the library so hopefully I'll find some good ideas and recipes there.  In the meantime, I still have plenty of leftover soup.  Tomorrow I'll make bean soup for dinner - that should be good.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Fun and Novel

Apparently, the idea of something being uncomfortable is enough for the brain to steer a wide path - be it the work to get to a goal or even just certain thoughts.  If it's uncomfortable, it's taboo.  Only pleasant, happy, easy stuff gets through without a roadblock.  That's why we're more likely to exercise if it's fun, relatively easy and novel than if it's boring and difficult.

That's why this way of eating is a challenge.  It isn't easy (no pre-packaged foods) and it isn't always fun (between having to go through preparations and finding myself eating the same foods over and over).  Junk food is fun.  Vegetables tend not to be.  Sometimes fruit is yummy; but the sweetness of fruit pales significantly to the sweetness of sugar.  My taste buds have been tainted by sugar.

Also, there's no buzz without the sugar/fat/salt combo.

The trick is to make it fun and novel and interesting.  Obviously, the first few days are novel but that doesn't last.  Which is why I'm trying to make new foods.  Having already cooked foods in neat containers in the fridge has helped but it's only Tuesday and I'm already bored of those foods.  Now what?  I guess it's back to the cook books.  I wish I had a good cook book that follows exactly my diet :)  I guess that's the easy part of just following whatever the latest fad diet is - they usually tell you exactly what to eat.  I know what NOT to eat; not so much what I CAN eat.  Besides meat and vegetables and fruit and brown rice.  Fresh fruit and veggies are somewhat limited around here, being that we're literally in high plains, nothing-can-grow-here-but-rocks for literally miles and miles and miles around.  Also, I'm just not sure what to do with most of it.  I mean, obviously I know what to do with the fruit, but not so much the vegetables.

Again, back to the cook books.  I'll just have to see if the library holds anything even somewhat useful to me.

Monday, February 17, 2014

24 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

Yep, 6 days down, 24 to go.  This is in the no sugar/no flour because I have to restart my goal counts on the rest.  I made it 5 days but did not exercise, meditate or write in my gratitude journal yesterday.  So, back to day one with that count.  Still, the important one is still ongoing :)  This was especially hard this weekend when there was fudge on top of the fridge and candy bars inside (my adult son's).  Plus the kids bringing home a shit load of goodies from their valentine's parties at school.  They hauled some serious sugar home.  It is amazing that schools are so comfortable handing out that much candy / cake / cookies.  I don't see we're going to have any significant change in our country's overall size until we stop celebrating every damn holiday in school with JUNK FOOD. 

Anyway, except for what my adult son brings into the house, at least I can control what's inside.  And with regarding to feeding my family this weekend, that went really well.  I spent hours this weekend making chicken and vegetable broth and then using some of the broths to make a couple of healthy soups.  Since I'm trying to avoid MSG, I can't use store-bought broths.  I took the chicken broth and made a soup with a variety of vegetables, shredded chicken (from the chicken I used to make the broth) and rice.  From the vegetable broth, I made a creamy veggie/bean soup.  Both turned out very yummy and lots of leftovers in the fridge.  I also made a sizable amount of sweet potato mash to have on hand for me.  I think not having easy-to-hand foods that are tasty is the hardest part of all of the foods I have to avoid (to control both my migraines and my food addiction).  Literally all pre-packaged food is out.  I mean, yes I can grab a piece of fruit or munch on some cut-up veggies, but I often don't want either of those things.  Or I find I'm eating too much fruit and have to haul myself back from it.  So, having some foods that I like ready to eat in the fridge will help a lot with me not feeling deprived.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

T-Minus 29 Days

I've decided to count down my goal rather than count up.  I have successfully fulfilled day one of my commitment to being strong and calm (my positive terminology for no sugar/no flour), and to completing my daily practices.  Today, I feel good.  I even did my workout and meditation early in the day - just before noon.  Usually I'm scrambling to fit it in at the end of the day, which isn't the most practical time because I'm also juggling getting dinner cleaned up, homework done, kids bathed and in bed on time.  So, it is nice to be at just past mid-day and already done with those commitments. 

My exercise last night consisted of a whole 10 minutes of yoga and 10 minutes of meditation.  As mentioned above, I didn't leave myself with a lot of time to accomplish these goals.

Today my exercise consisted of 15 minutes of Yoga, 10 minutes of aerobics and 20 minutes of meditation.  I did the meditation immediately after the exercises, when I most enjoy it.  It gives my body time to cool down and relax after the workout, and with all the blood flow my brain is better able to concentrate.  Today was especially relaxing because the sun came out and slanted just right so that I felt the warmth on my face as I was meditating.  I love the feel of the warm sun on my skin. 

Even though I ate fairly well, quantities were a bit altogether high for one day.  I'm not measuring or restricting myself to calories.  Still, I hope to bring that down just a bit today.

Breakfast was a bowl of oatmeal with 1 tsp peanut butter (natural with no sugar) and 1/2 cup unsweetened frozen mixed berries.

Lunch was a bowl of leftover homemade chili with shredded cheddar cheese and a banana.

Snack was two handfuls of pumpkin seeds, shells eaten.

Dinner was homemade tomato soup (turned out awesome) and a salad, followed by two tangerines.

Snack #2 was 2 cheese and chicken roll-ups (basically a slice of chicken lunch meat rolled around a piece of cheddar cheese), a single-serving bag of roasted almonds and about a handful of blueberries.

Dinner was especially difficult because, being the nice mom/wife I am, I knew the boys wouldn't be satisfied with just soup so I grilled cheese sandwiches to go with them - even bought fresh-baked bread.  I was practically drooling watching them eat the sandwiches, and I don't even particularly like grilled cheese (which is why I thought it would be safe).  The problem was the bread - that fresh-baked bread looked and smelled SO good.  Amazing how appetizing something is when you know you can't have it!

So, all in all, not a bad start.  No migraine or headache today - YAY!

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Credit Where Credit is Due

I have to give myself credit - I may not succeed, but I keep trying.  I have been coming and going on this blog since 2010.  I have made many attempts to find balance and happiness in my life my entire adult life.  I definitely have my days, weeks, months or even years of sticking my head in the sand.  Half-living by over-eating and under-doing.  Just spending most of my waking hours escaping from my own thoughts.  But, I bolster myself up and I try again, and again, and again...  What else is there but to keep trying.  And, honestly, it is just practice, isn't it?  I may be a bit slow on the uptake, but I do learn a little bit each time I try.

It is now the beginning of 2014 and half a year since I last blogged.  Since that time, I have changed jobs, moved to a new state, and gained another couple dozen pounds.  I spent a lot of time in the last half year eating mindlessly.  In fact, I think I ate more during that time than all the years prior.  It was getting to the point, last fall, when I would go to bed with a stomachache and wake up with a stomachache and a headache.  I felt awful all the time.

Right at the end of October 2013, I had had enough. I could not continue on feeling so bad all the time.  I literally cleaned out my cupboards, threw away all sugar and flour filled foods and left myself with vegetables, meat, beans, rice and fruit.  I ate that way until December 2013 and I was feeling very good during that time.  I was exercising every day.  I stopped feeling like I needed to eat every moment of every day.  I lost weight and felt good about myself.  I had crazy amounts of energy.  I felt like I had hit upon THE answer.  I was even going to sleep and waking up at the same times every day - it was awesome.  I made it through Halloween without even a taste of candy passing my lips.  After a couple weeks, I was able to re-introduce breads and cereals into the kitchen (my step-daughter and two kids still ate these) and not be tempted.  I felt like a super-woman.

Mid-December, I went through a rough patch.  My husband was driving long-haul at the time and had been gone for months.  My step-daughter went back to England, from whence she came.  I hit a depression and started suffering migraines again.  I was watching TV one day (something I had been trying to avoid until that day) - I remember exactly what I was watching (Call the Midwife on Netflix) and that it was a Saturday.  It was just me and my two younger kids.  I was sad, headachy, angry, discontented, unhappy, and in pain.  I stood on the brink and made a choice, which I regret to this day.  I ate some white bread left behind by my step-daughter.  That was all the invitation THAT part of my brain needed.  I was back on sugar and flour and all the other junk I had been avoiding.

Since that day, I have re-gained the lost weight plus some.  I am back to daily headaches, low energy, feeling sad and depressed.  My husband is back home (he didn't like being gone that much) and found a local job.  My adult son moved in with us (and I'm happy to have him here!).  Everything is good EXCEPT this daily battle with food.  Since December, I have tried numerous times to get back to no sugar/no flour, because I felt good then.  I would go a few days and then give in to the cravings.

Part of the difficulty now is that I no longer have complete control over the environment.  When I ate this way before, I was able to remove all junk from the kitchen to get over the initial hump.  I didn't have to have any internal battles because the junk WASN'T THERE.  I could go into the kitchen and eat anything I wanted and still be true to my new way of eating.  Now, though, both my son and my husband have their foods and beverages and I can't demand they not have them.  My husband likes sugar in his coffee and bread and butter with his dinner. My son drinks endless cokes, and chocolate milk and brings home crackers and cookies. 

However, I can do this.  I am strong enough and capable enough.  As I kept telling myself the first time around and I will remind myself this time around, I was able to quit smoking and that was hard.  I can break this sugar addiction too.

So, here's to day 1 of 30 days of no sugar/no flour.  Just to get me started. :)