I'm on my downturn at the moment. Can't get motivated. Don't want to work out (although I've managed to walk a couple times the last few days); don't want to clean the house (I'm trying to get some cleaning done tonight, though, cuz hubby is due home late tonight and I'd hate coming home to a messy house); don't want to track my calories or watch what I eat (I've been eating horribly for the past few days); or track my calorie burn (haven't done so since Thursday); or work on my book (not a single word written since early last week). I spent the entire weekend doing NOTHING. I couldn't even be bothered to do the grocery shopping and I usually love grocery shopping. I've watched like seven movies since Saturday morning. Last night, I managed to watch two movies and read a third of a new book before finally falling asleep near 3am. I then didn't get my lazy ass out of bed until 11:30 am. Well, I got up long enough to get the kids off to school but then promptly went back to bed. Ugh! I hate when I'm like this. Why do I fall into these periods of apathy?
Well, I'm really hoping having hubby come home will help turn my mood upwards. Either that, or forced cleaning will improve my outlook. Or maybe I just need time. Or a hormonal transfusion. Maybe I should have my thyroid tested? Or maybe I should just learn to be more self-disciplined? There aren't any self-discipline training classes at the local college, by the way.
And I have tried pretending, by the way. I smiled at my kids until my cheeks ached on Saturday. I walked through two grocery stores and bought almost nothing. I talked on the phone. I went for walks. I even started to clean the house a few times. However, my physical fatigue and who-fucking-cares attitude have ultimately won out. From past experience, I'll bounce back. I'll regain my energy and desire to do things away from the TV. I'll start getting up earlier again and do the dishes after dinner. I'll go back to being a good mom and wife (well, better anyway) but for the moment I just don't give a damn.
So, here's to hoping tomorrow is a brighter day.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Pain and off topic rant
So, I went to an aerobics/strength training class on Wednesday and since yesterday I have been hobbling around like an old lady. I HURT! I haven't had sore muscles like this in I can't remember when. Just bending to sit in a chair or on the toilet hurts. Standing hurts. Everything hurts! Sheesh! I'm glad I got a good workout in, but I'm bummed to miss out on going to Pilates class or the next aerobics class today. I'm just walking, slowly. Yesterday I walked around my neighborhood for 30 minutes, slowly. Today I'll walk with my mom, slowly. Ugh! I hope it's better tomorrow. Besides that it was a super tough workout, I figure I have 2 other reasons to blame for such severe soreness: 1. That I didn't drink enough water on the day of; 2. that I haven't been sleeping well at all. In fact, I'm headachey and nauseated from lack of sleep. I have been getting two or three hours of broken sleep since hubby's been out of town. I feel even worse today. He's not going to be home today, either :(. I think it's time to take a little something to help.
Off topic, yesterday I watched the interview of Cathy Cruz Marrero, the lady who was caught on security camera falling into a mall fountain because she was distracted by texting. On the one hand, I felt for her as I can't imagine how embarrassing that must have been. On the other hand, I felt like "quit whining already! You f'd up so just own it and move on." Today, I'm incensed. I just read about her criminal history. She's whining about a security guard publishing an embarrassing video of her but she's okay with stealing a coworker's credit card??? Puh-leease. She totally lost any right to complain about anything when she stole. And apparently she has other criminal history. I hope she doesn't come out from under her rock again. I hate people like that.
Done venting.
Off topic, yesterday I watched the interview of Cathy Cruz Marrero, the lady who was caught on security camera falling into a mall fountain because she was distracted by texting. On the one hand, I felt for her as I can't imagine how embarrassing that must have been. On the other hand, I felt like "quit whining already! You f'd up so just own it and move on." Today, I'm incensed. I just read about her criminal history. She's whining about a security guard publishing an embarrassing video of her but she's okay with stealing a coworker's credit card??? Puh-leease. She totally lost any right to complain about anything when she stole. And apparently she has other criminal history. I hope she doesn't come out from under her rock again. I hate people like that.
Done venting.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Letting it all hang out
I've been using SparkPeople to track my calorie intake. I've been pretty good about this the past couple weeks, no matter how much I ate (and sometimes I ate enough that it took a good twenty minutes to input everything!). Numbers can be scary - they add up so quickly! Anyway, I thought as part of my accountability I'd throw out my numbers for all to gape at, so here is the past seven days. Today only consists of breakfast and lunch:
I've noticed that I eat A LOT of fat. Fortunately, a lot of it is good fat from nuts and such, but still. I almost always go over my fat if anything. That's three days that I went over my fat limits and two days I went over my calorie limit (which is 1550). My calorie limit is a bit on the high side because: a. I'm only trying to lose a pound a week; and b. I burn between 250 and 550 calories when I excecise, which is 6 to 7 days a week at the moment. I always aim for 1200 calories anyway, but rarely keep it that low.
Haven't been to the gym since Friday but have been using the treadmill and my Wii. Yesterday I walked 4 miles and spent 45 minutes on the Wii doing strength training with My Coach.
Today I'm just going to walk to my parents' a little later, which is 2 miles. Gonna give myself a bit of a break because tomorrow morning I'm going to attend a killer gym class that's a mix of aerobics and muscle-killing strength training. I'm really looking forward to the Pilates class on Thursday too.
Hubby is out of town again :(. I hate when he's away.
| NUTRIENTS: | GOAL | 1/12 | 1/13 | 1/14 | 1/15 | 1/16 | 1/17 | TODAY |
| Calories: | 1,200 - 1,550 | 1,834 | 1,234 | 1,759 | 1,276 | 1,501 | 1,389 | 400 |
| Fat: | 32 - 56 | 58 | 47 | 65 | 37 | 62 | 53 | 11 |
| Carbohydrates: | 163 - 236 | 297 | 168 | 258 | 176 | 182 | 201 | 66 |
| Protein: | 60 - 127 | 59 | 46 | 52 | 47 | 62 | 55 | 15 |
I've noticed that I eat A LOT of fat. Fortunately, a lot of it is good fat from nuts and such, but still. I almost always go over my fat if anything. That's three days that I went over my fat limits and two days I went over my calorie limit (which is 1550). My calorie limit is a bit on the high side because: a. I'm only trying to lose a pound a week; and b. I burn between 250 and 550 calories when I excecise, which is 6 to 7 days a week at the moment. I always aim for 1200 calories anyway, but rarely keep it that low.
Haven't been to the gym since Friday but have been using the treadmill and my Wii. Yesterday I walked 4 miles and spent 45 minutes on the Wii doing strength training with My Coach.
Today I'm just going to walk to my parents' a little later, which is 2 miles. Gonna give myself a bit of a break because tomorrow morning I'm going to attend a killer gym class that's a mix of aerobics and muscle-killing strength training. I'm really looking forward to the Pilates class on Thursday too.
Hubby is out of town again :(. I hate when he's away.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Update
I started keeping a calendar on the wall next to my computer so I can track my weight and my workouts. It's good to be able to glance at the wall and see my efforts. I can instantly see my good weeks and bad weeks. I can see the weeks where I didn't exercise much and the following week's weight, to demonstrate the results of my efforts, or lack of efforts. It's really helped to keep me honest with myself.
This morning I weighed 132. Still bouncing between 131 and 135, as I have done for the past four months. I feel strong at the moment and hope I can maintain it. I feel like if I could just get over the hurdle of dropping below 130, I will break the endless cycle of losing and regaining the same few pounds.
I've been doing extremely well with my exercising. Still struggling with night time eating. Getting the gym membership seems to have been a good decision. I'm enjoying the various classes and I'm even working out harder even when I don't get to the gym. Yesterday I worked out on my Wii (My Coach) and then ran/walked 4 miles on the treadmill. This is good because it leaves me less time for nighttime snacking. The longer I work out, the less time I spend trying NOT to eat while watching a movie or reading a book. I've also found that going to bed helps. Since I got a Kindle, reading in bed is so much easier and I just don't think about food while I'm laying in bed. Cuz who eats while laying in bed, right? It's not a trigger for me as is sitting on the couch or my reading chair.
That's not to say that I don't still eat in the evenings. I'm still fighting the urge. As SOON as I sit in my chair or on the couch, the urge to eat starts. I've become so consumed with not eating at night, that the thoughts are always at the forefront of my mind. Tell yourself over and over not to do something and that's the first thing you want to do. Course, we know that I can't do just letting myself eat, because I will do so until I've eaten pretty much everything in the kitchen. :)
I was also thinking yesterday of something else I've learned about myself. If I eat breakfast as soon as I wake, I want to eat again two hours later. However, if I wait an hour or two after I wake until I'm genuinely hungry, then I'm good until lunch. As dieters, we read a lot about what we should and shouldn't do, but we have to remember that we're not one size fits all and therefore we have decide which tips and recommendations work for us and which don't. I also find that it's better for me to work out in the evenings, when I want to be active and too busy to eat rather than lounging around fighting my food demons. The less time I have to fight my snacking urges, the less opportunity I have to give in to them. Furthermore, exercise improves my mood, which also helps me focus on avoiding overeating. I am an emotional eater, after all. I recently read that you burn more calories all day if you exercise in the morning. What they don't mention is you burn more calories all night if you exercise in the evening. You don't burn MORE calories just because you exercise at a certain time in the day. But, I've read many articles that seem to suggest you do.
Anyway, it's all about finding out what works for you and not necessarily trying to follow all the latest advice. Kinda like parenting, right? :)
This morning I weighed 132. Still bouncing between 131 and 135, as I have done for the past four months. I feel strong at the moment and hope I can maintain it. I feel like if I could just get over the hurdle of dropping below 130, I will break the endless cycle of losing and regaining the same few pounds.
I've been doing extremely well with my exercising. Still struggling with night time eating. Getting the gym membership seems to have been a good decision. I'm enjoying the various classes and I'm even working out harder even when I don't get to the gym. Yesterday I worked out on my Wii (My Coach) and then ran/walked 4 miles on the treadmill. This is good because it leaves me less time for nighttime snacking. The longer I work out, the less time I spend trying NOT to eat while watching a movie or reading a book. I've also found that going to bed helps. Since I got a Kindle, reading in bed is so much easier and I just don't think about food while I'm laying in bed. Cuz who eats while laying in bed, right? It's not a trigger for me as is sitting on the couch or my reading chair.
That's not to say that I don't still eat in the evenings. I'm still fighting the urge. As SOON as I sit in my chair or on the couch, the urge to eat starts. I've become so consumed with not eating at night, that the thoughts are always at the forefront of my mind. Tell yourself over and over not to do something and that's the first thing you want to do. Course, we know that I can't do just letting myself eat, because I will do so until I've eaten pretty much everything in the kitchen. :)
I was also thinking yesterday of something else I've learned about myself. If I eat breakfast as soon as I wake, I want to eat again two hours later. However, if I wait an hour or two after I wake until I'm genuinely hungry, then I'm good until lunch. As dieters, we read a lot about what we should and shouldn't do, but we have to remember that we're not one size fits all and therefore we have decide which tips and recommendations work for us and which don't. I also find that it's better for me to work out in the evenings, when I want to be active and too busy to eat rather than lounging around fighting my food demons. The less time I have to fight my snacking urges, the less opportunity I have to give in to them. Furthermore, exercise improves my mood, which also helps me focus on avoiding overeating. I am an emotional eater, after all. I recently read that you burn more calories all day if you exercise in the morning. What they don't mention is you burn more calories all night if you exercise in the evening. You don't burn MORE calories just because you exercise at a certain time in the day. But, I've read many articles that seem to suggest you do.
Anyway, it's all about finding out what works for you and not necessarily trying to follow all the latest advice. Kinda like parenting, right? :)
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Happiness
I've been listening to a self-help book on my iPod. I usually listen to fiction novels, but I thought I would see if I could glean any useful tips from a self-help book instead. I'm listening to "The Happiness Advantage." Apparently, happy people are more successful. Or is it that successful people are more happy? I'm struggling with the chicken/egg bit on this guy's theory that be happy = success rather than the other way around. Some of his theories and suggestions seem sound; others I'm extremely skeptical. Still, it's all food for thought. And I thought my thoughts could use some food rather than my tummy for once :)
Speaking of eating, I've done pretty well this week. I overate on Tuesday, but Monday, Wednesday and today I did well. Not that I'm yet done with today, but I think I'll make it. I'm done with dinner. It's 6:30 pm. I have plans to clean up the house for the next hour or two, then read my book and have a snack of pistachio nuts (the calories of which have already been counted toward my daily total), have a cup of hot apple cider (sugar free) and then brush my teeth and get into bed. I had an early start today so I shouldn't have too much trouble getting to sleep at a decent hour.
Yesterday my mom and I went to our first gym class and I loved it. It was a killer workout, much harder than I had anticipated, and I'm decidedly sore today. The instructor was great, the class size was perfect and I didn't feel the least bit intimidated or embarrassed. Even with my mom wearing a sailor shirt to class :/ We're going again tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. Which is weird, right? To look forward to an exercise class? I guess at least it means that I get out of having to work at the time :)
Work isn't going quite as well. I've had two short days in a row - mostly because my workload has slowed down. That's okay, though, because I'm sure it will pick up. Technically, I could have worked longer today, but oh well.
Anyway, off to clean. The house is disgusting and I'm going to whip it into shape once and for all.
Speaking of eating, I've done pretty well this week. I overate on Tuesday, but Monday, Wednesday and today I did well. Not that I'm yet done with today, but I think I'll make it. I'm done with dinner. It's 6:30 pm. I have plans to clean up the house for the next hour or two, then read my book and have a snack of pistachio nuts (the calories of which have already been counted toward my daily total), have a cup of hot apple cider (sugar free) and then brush my teeth and get into bed. I had an early start today so I shouldn't have too much trouble getting to sleep at a decent hour.
Yesterday my mom and I went to our first gym class and I loved it. It was a killer workout, much harder than I had anticipated, and I'm decidedly sore today. The instructor was great, the class size was perfect and I didn't feel the least bit intimidated or embarrassed. Even with my mom wearing a sailor shirt to class :/ We're going again tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. Which is weird, right? To look forward to an exercise class? I guess at least it means that I get out of having to work at the time :)
Work isn't going quite as well. I've had two short days in a row - mostly because my workload has slowed down. That's okay, though, because I'm sure it will pick up. Technically, I could have worked longer today, but oh well.
Anyway, off to clean. The house is disgusting and I'm going to whip it into shape once and for all.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Prep Work
I've been doing my prep work the last two days for my new diet regime. Well, it's not new; just the one I should have been following for the last few months but haven't been except for a couple weeks in early December. I have my gym membership, as I mentioned, although a nasty cold has kept me from actually using it yet. I didn't feel it was fair to share my germies with everyone else trying to get healthy. I did walk both yesterday and today, though, and I'm super happy with myself for that. In fact, today I walked nearly 4 miles in an hour, which included a few hefty hills. I'm not even close to trying a jog; not with my sinuses all scratchy and runny and my lungs coughing up nastiness every few minutes. Still, a walk was perfect. And it's supposed to help you get over a cold quicker. We shall see about that.
Today I went grocery shopping and purchased my weight in fruits and veggies and a couple of low-cal yummies to keep my eye from wandering. I've tracked my calories like a good dieter today; I'm currently at 820 with breakfast, lunch and dinner eaten. So that's going well so far. And a good thing, too, because I was up to 135 this morning :(
Not looking forward to getting back to the grindstone with work tomorrow. And the kids are back in school, which means early morning scrambles to get ready, my youngest being bored from lack of siblings to play with, homework to be done after school, crankiness from being tired from early mornings and trying to make bedtime, which seems to come immediately after dinner and before homework is done. Plus worrying what my oldest is up to. Yeah, school still sucks, even though I'm no longer attending myself.
My book is going well, though. I need to do some switching of scenes and a couple more to write, but it's more than two-thirds done. Well, of the first draft. Lots of editing will need to be done. Some tweaking. Probably replacing of scenes as I already feel like there are a couple weak ones. But, still, it's going really well. Especially considering I only started a month and a half ago.
Today I went grocery shopping and purchased my weight in fruits and veggies and a couple of low-cal yummies to keep my eye from wandering. I've tracked my calories like a good dieter today; I'm currently at 820 with breakfast, lunch and dinner eaten. So that's going well so far. And a good thing, too, because I was up to 135 this morning :(
Not looking forward to getting back to the grindstone with work tomorrow. And the kids are back in school, which means early morning scrambles to get ready, my youngest being bored from lack of siblings to play with, homework to be done after school, crankiness from being tired from early mornings and trying to make bedtime, which seems to come immediately after dinner and before homework is done. Plus worrying what my oldest is up to. Yeah, school still sucks, even though I'm no longer attending myself.
My book is going well, though. I need to do some switching of scenes and a couple more to write, but it's more than two-thirds done. Well, of the first draft. Lots of editing will need to be done. Some tweaking. Probably replacing of scenes as I already feel like there are a couple weak ones. But, still, it's going really well. Especially considering I only started a month and a half ago.
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