Mental Health Day

I took a mental health day off from work.  Firstly, because it's just been a difficult week there and I wanted a break. Secondly, because work is really slow at the moment so I knew I wasn't going to cause any problems by being off work.  Really, I should go because I need the income, but... I'm good at putting off worries to tomorrow.

I went for my bike ride this morning, although it wasn't first thing when I woke up.  I hadn't even intended to go but then half way through the morning I thought: "why don't I go?"  And so I went.  Nothing spectacular, just around the same route that I went last time, so a 20 minute or so ride.  I also made a dental appointment (finally!) to get my teeth cleaned.  I put out some feelers for the type of job I actually want to do, which is field work rather than office work.  I took the youngest to the library and he played a bit while I found some new audio books, which I like to listen to while I'm driving to work.  I got a self-acceptance book to listen to.  I did try to listen to Christopher Reeve's book, but it was read by the author and I couldn't listen to it because of his breathing.  Or lack of breathing.  After his accident, Reeve was on a ventilator because he couldn't move his own lungs.  Apparently they also have to rig up the ventilator to get air to the voicebox for it to work.  It doesn't sound normal.  It sounded like he never "took a breath" and was always just at the end of his air, like he NEEDED to take a breath.  I can't explain it better than that.  Consequently, my breathing was disturbed - I found myself taking huge lungfuls of air, as though to help him out.  After a while, I just had to turn it off.  Which was unfortunate, because I was really interested.  I'm going to have to get the paper book so I can read it.

Otherwise, there isn't much going.  I keep wanting to go turn the TV on and just veg on the couch.  Where is my drive? My motivation? My desire to DO something?  It's probably hidden between the couch cushions, having fallen out during my long hours sitting there...