Binge Eating

I've been doing some reading today.  The last couple days have been ridiculous with regard to how much I've been eating.  Just to give you an idea, here's what I ate last night between about 6:00 pm and 9:00 pm:

3 slices pizza
4 servings dark chocolate candy
2 poptarts
2 Nature Valley Sweet & Salty bars
8 saltines with cheddar cheese

Yes, I felt sick after eating all that.  Nope, it didn't stop me from wanting to eat more.  I also drank 2 diet sodas and 2 bottles of water. 

So, here's what I came across in my reading:

DO I NEED HELP FOR BINGE EATING?
Ask yourself the following questions. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you have binge eating disorder.
Do you feel out of control when you’re eating? Do you think about food all the time? Do you eat in secret? Do you eat until you feel sick? Do you eat to escape from worries or to comfort yourself? Do you feel disgusted or ashamed after eating? Do you feel powerless to stop eating, even though you want to?

I can honestly say that this fits my cycle.

Here's my thinking:  I have to stop beating myself up for lacking self-control and willpower to stop overeating and focus on how to overcome my binge eating.  Why do I binge eat?  How can I redirect myself?  I've set rules for myself in my attempt to control my overeating, such as avoiding sugar, processed foods, drinking tea at night instead of eating, not allowing myself to eat in front of the tv, etc.  These rules work fine when I'm in control.  They don't work at all when I'm not in control.

My cycle is to be in control for a day or two or several and then to lose control and overeat for half a day, a day or two, more if I feel particularly upset with myself. 

What causes me to lose control?  If it was a matter of that I ate a candy bar when I had intended not to, I could live with that.  The problem is when I eat the equivelent of 5 candy  bars.  And while I'm doing it I don't give a damn that I am overeating, that I will be disgusted with myself.  I have regained control the day I've lost control, but it's usually not until the next day or the day after that I get back on program.  Probably, I indulge just enough to consider myself off program, which then allows me to eat as much as I want at the time because I'm off program.  So, I eat one candy bar but I can fit that into my calories.  Then I eat a second candy bar, which means I won't have a deficit for the day, but that's okay because I'm okay with breaking even.  But, then I eat a third candy bar and now I'm off program, out of control, let's eat some more.

However, if I say there IS no program, then I'll eat 5 candy bars every day.  Not setting a limit doesn't work either.

More reading...