Yesterday was my weigh in day at Weight Watchers. I haven't weighed in for a few weeks. First because I had done really poorly and hadn't felt like going to a meeting at all. Then the next meeting, I was still doing poorly so I elected to go to the meeting but not weigh in. Then the next meeting I missed because I was on vacation. And the one after that, I again missed because I didn't want to go and face the scale. So, this is the first weigh in after several weeks of poor eating. On vacation, I ATE. I thought I would do better because I was going to be visiting my parents and they are generally pretty conscious about eating well, but apparently not this trip. We ate out every day, if not twice a day. Cheesecake Factory and Pizza and out for ice cream sundaes and cafes and just on and on. Plus there was pie and cake and cookies at the house. Then there was my daughter's graduation party. I was probably eating 4000+ calories a day. For five continuous days. It was like the gluttony of vacations.
I didn't get back on program until last weekend, so I knew this week's weigh in would have to be up since my last weigh in. And it was. I had gained 2.4 pounds. I know it could be much, much worse considering how much I had eaten. To gain 2.4 pounds in a month really isn't that bad, all things considered. However, I was looking over my weight history and since joining in April, I have had one loss week. I have gained a total of 5 pounds since joining Weight Watchers. And none of that was because the program isn't any good - it's all down to me not sticking to the program.
During the meeting, there were a couple girls who were celebrating a goal, and both had lost over 100 pounds. They were quite emotional, as you can imagine. And I started thinking about how great it had been when I had got down to 120's. How great I'd felt and all the clothes I'd bought and the excitement of feeling normal rather than obese.
And then I started thinking about how I had allowed myself to gain 30 pounds in the past year. 30 pounds!!! It takes months and months of hard, hard work to lose 30 pounds and I had blithely allowed myself to gain that weight back as if it were nothing. In fact, it took me three years to lose that amount of weight (that's how hard it is for me to lose weight - not just metabolically but my ability to stick to my program) and one year to put it all back. And there were months when I would sincerely try NOT to gain weight; would try to reverse my downhill momentum so it wasn't an all-out eating fest for an entire year. But, certainly there were more days than not when I just ate - not caring (at the time) that I was reversing all that hard work and heading for a place I didn't want to be.
So, those are the thoughts that were racing through my head when I got home from Weight Watchers and I was feeling bad about myself. Trying not to, trying to talk myself around. But, ultimately it was me who put the weight back on and I'm not happy with me that I did that.
Yesterday was going well as far as sticking to my program - I did a new workout DVD; rode my bike with the kids to the library; went to my WW meeting; cleaned up around the house and throughout it I ate reasonably. Last night was a different story.
It's not until now that I'm thinking about it that I realize I DID IT AGAIN! I rewarded myself for my efforts throughout the day. It's like an anti-reward - to reward yourself with food for your weight loss efforts - argh! The mind is tricky, though. I didn't actively think "oh I did really well today with my exercise and eating, so I deserve a reward." I just thought "I have some room in my diet for popcorn because I exercised really well today." And then I put butter on it (not measured) because I could have butter and it wasn't going to destroy my efforts, not after all that exercise I did (wanna bet?!) And then I had hot chocolate and that was okay because I did really well today with my exercise and activities... (see the theme here?). I exercised and burned probably 200 calories. I then ATE 700 calories as a "reward."
Objectives for the week:
1. NO tv - not a movie, not to catch up on my shows, no tv!
2. Write a daily food plan so that I can't sneak in "rewards."
3. 20 minutes of exercise every day.
4. Attend a zumba class! (I've been putting this off for literally months.)
5. No eating after 7:30 pm (when I stick to this objective, my calories are much lower for the day).
6. Track every day (I did this last week so yay for me)
7. Forgive myself for regaining 30 pounds.
Here's planning for a good week!
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