Downward

I'm on my downturn at the moment.  Can't get motivated.  Don't want to work out (although I've managed to walk a couple times the last few days); don't want to clean the house (I'm trying to get some cleaning done tonight, though, cuz hubby is due home late tonight and I'd hate coming home to a messy house); don't want to track my calories or watch what I eat (I've been eating horribly for the past few days); or track my calorie burn (haven't done so since Thursday); or work on my book (not a single word written since early last week).  I spent the entire weekend doing NOTHING.  I couldn't even be bothered to do the grocery shopping and I usually love grocery shopping.  I've watched like seven movies since Saturday morning.  Last night, I managed to watch two movies and read a third of a new book before finally falling asleep near 3am.  I then didn't get my lazy ass out of bed until 11:30 am.  Well, I got up long enough to get the kids off to school but then promptly went back to bed.  Ugh!  I hate when I'm like this.  Why do I fall into these periods of apathy?

Well, I'm really hoping having hubby come home will help turn my mood upwards.  Either that, or forced cleaning will improve my outlook.  Or maybe I just need time.  Or a hormonal transfusion.  Maybe I should have my thyroid tested?  Or maybe I should just learn to be more self-disciplined?  There aren't any self-discipline training classes at the local college, by the way.

And I have tried pretending, by the way.  I smiled at my kids until my cheeks ached on Saturday.  I walked through two grocery stores and bought almost nothing.  I talked on the phone.  I went for walks.  I even started to clean the house a few times.  However, my physical fatigue and who-fucking-cares attitude have ultimately won out.  From past experience, I'll bounce back.  I'll regain my energy and desire to do things away from the TV.  I'll start getting up earlier again and do the dishes after dinner.  I'll go back to being a good mom and wife (well, better anyway) but for the moment I just don't give a damn.

So, here's to hoping tomorrow is a brighter day.