Post Holiday

I'm both sad and glad the holidays are over.  Well, there's still New Year's but since we never go to any parties or celebrate the evening before, it is just an extra day off from work for me. 

I have to admit, I have been totally off plan for the past week.  I didn't even attempt to count calories and I didn't exercise once.  That's very rare, for me to go so long without exercising.  I just decided, at the beginning of the week, that I would take a week off.  I wouldn't worry about what I ate or how much I ate or how many calories I burned.  I wanted a break from the constant worrying and failures and feeling deprived.  It was nice not to have to think about every bite I ate.  It was a good break.

However, I only gave myself until Christmas day to enjoy the time off from dieting.  Today I'm supposed to be back on plan.  I started the morning by making a good breakfast choice (oatmeal) and entering my calories on Sparkpeople.  Hubby's xmas gift to me was a new watch for my Bodybugg so I can monitor my calorie burn to ensure I end up under that number by the end of the day.  I'll make sure I exercise today and watch what I eat. 

Totally Crap Weekend

Not sure what my problem was, but I was moody this weekend.  Saturday was okay but then I decided I wanted to repaint the kitchen to make it brighter.  Started working on it Saturday evening and quickly realized two things:  1. The paint was TOO bright, more like neon; 2. It was taking several coats to cover the orangish peach paint that was already on there, which meant I probably wasn't going to be done with the project before Christmas.  The hubby and I got into a fight.  Then I couldn't sleep and was up until 4 am when I finally took two Tylenol PM's and proceeded to sleep until 4 pm on Sunday.  Yep, I slept all through Sunday until 4 pm.  Woke feeling gross and not wanting to do anything.  Tried to rally and asked hubby if he wanted to go out, which he did, and booked us a table at an expensive restaurant.  I didn't want expensive restaurant; it's never worth the expense and we're on a tight budget.  He could tell I wasn't pleased with his choice but I didn't want to openly dismiss his efforts.  He knew, though, cuz I'm bad at hiding my feelings and we'd only just left the house when he turned around and drove back.  Once we got home, he called and cancelled the reservations and expressed his frustration that he feels like he can never do anything right.  After talking for a few minutes, he decided we should go elsewhere and we ended up at Sizzler, which is good for my budget.  I ate WAY too much; I mean, way, way, way too much.  It was like I was intent on totally undoing all the efforts of the previous week.  Which I may have been, because I can be self-destructive like that.  Or maybe I was rebelling against the week of denying myself and feeling hungry.  Whatever the reason, I ate my weight in fattening foods.  Came home and drank my weight in margaritas.  We did manage to have a few moments of intimacy that was good for us because it's so rare anymore, but otherwise we did our own thing and I fell into a drunken sleep at 2 am.  Woke this morning at the same weight I'd been before last week, with a headache and a distinct dislike of the morning.  The house is a wreck, laundry piled up, tons of work to be done, and a very partially painted kitchen with the doors off. 

6 Days

That's how many consecutive days I managed to keep a deficit.  Yesterday I ate over 1900 calories.  I'm trying not to be too disappointed with myself because I've done well and I don't want to start another downward spiral.  Just accept it and move on.  Today is another day.  All that.

Don't know what we're going to do today, though.  It's rainy and miserable outside.  I have no spending money at the moment and hubby is working today.  The kids and I are rather tired of being in the house after the past week, so we want to go out and do something, just don't know what.

Update

Another good day.  I ate 1369 calories and walked/jogged 2.2 miles.  I was actually hoping to keep my calories at 1200 today, but as long as it's under 1400, I'm happy.  My weight loss will be slower, but compared to the 1800 to 2500 calories I was regularly eating, anything under 1400 is excellent.  And I'm still exercising most days.  (I didn't yesterday because I was feeling lazy, but I have to allow myself an occasional day off.)

I finally found hubby's xmas present tonight, so I'm happy about that.  Everyone is done!  I finished making my mom's scarf yesterday.  I just need to wrap it.  Everyone else's presents are wrapped.

The kids are officially done with school until next year.  I actually prefer them being home.  I like to know what they're doing.  And I don't have to get up at 6:15 :)  Or worry about homework and getting to bed on time, etc. etc. 

I've done really well with my work hours.  Just need to get through tomorrow and then the weekend will be a welcome relief.  Have set up to meet a woman on Monday to walk with and one on Tuesday morning to walk with.  Also possibly to meet at a 24 hour fitness with another woman, but I haven't heard from her for a couple days so maybe she's changed her mind.  No matter. 

Winning Streak

I'm still on my winning streak of staying on target for my weight loss.  Yesterday I closed the day out at 1330 calories and had walked and done Pilates.  Today I've eated about 630 calories thus far and dinner is 520 calories, leaving me 100 or 200 calories for a snack if I need it.  I haven't walked yet because I've been working and had to help my mom out earlier, but I will definitely be getting on the treadmill later.  I didn't get a chance to do some active outside because it's been rainy, but I'll do that tomorrow if the weather allows for it.  At least I got out of the house, though, when I helped my mom out.  It's essential I get out of the house for even a few minutes every day for my mental wellbeing.

I feel pretty content at the moment, with having had a good few days of sticking to my diet; the house is clean and the smell of dinner cooking; my workday nearly over and a quiet evening to look forward to, finishing my mom's xmas present (a knitted scarf) while listening to a new book on my iPod.  I finished wrapping presents last night, so that job is done.  Can't really complain about anything at the moment.  I may even get some writing done tonight on my book.

Day 4

of being on target.  I've calculated out my calories down to my last snack of the night to 1350 calories.  My goal for exercise is to do Pilates while watching BL.  I hurt my knee today, so no walking.  Just floor exercises.  But it's good for my back so that's okay.  I'm so happy with myself for managing to stay in my calorie target for four days in a row!  Well, today isn't over, but I'm actually not worried.  I've proven that I can do it over the last few days and I'm DETERMINED!  More determined than I've felt in a long time.  I don't know what triggered it, but I'm riding that wave.

Last week I put in an ad through Craigslist for a weight loss/workout/motivation partner.  I've had a few hits that I immediately discounted (weird responses and guys) but two sounds very promising.  I'm in the midst of arranging date/time to meet them through email.  In a public place, of course :).  It's very cool.  Not only will it be good to have someone to work out with and help keep me going, but I don't have any friends left from childhood and having moved so much in the last few years I've lost contact with any other acquaintances I've had.  Working from home, I have no contact with people.  So, except for hubby and family, I don't talk to or socialize with anyone.  So, having the opportunity to talk to someone not family will be great!  Unless I don't like them, of course :/

Work has  been going well, too, for the most part.  Going well in that I'm working my full hours.  Not so well with actually getting caught up with my work, though.

Hitting My Pins

I'm happy to report that I have been hitting most of my pins for the last few days.  The only one I'm really still struggling with is getting up earlier in the morning.  However, I've been doing well with everything else.  I've been meal planning and eating my plan.  I've been exercising and doing an activity outside every day.  I've been working and keeping the house clean.  I've also been writing in my journal everyday.  Today I've eaten 740 calories thus far and my dinner is 300 calories. 

I've worked out a money plan that should greatly reduce our financial stress.

I'm getting along well with hubby at the moment.  He's being very easy to be around at the moment.  It almost makes me nervous because he should be mad at me, but he's not.

See, on Friday I went with my sister to the store and, being the bad wife that I am, I was having a vent-fest about him on the drive over.  About fifteen minutes later, hubby calls me and says I should check that my last call had disconnected before bitching someone out.  Apparently, after I had talked to hubby just before leaving with my sister, I hadn't hung up the phone all the way and rather than hanging up himself, he chose to listen to what my sister and I talked about.  And didn't like what he had learned, of course.  I was angry with him for listening to a private conversation, but more concerned with having hurt his feelings.  He was very understanding; taking full responsibility for having listened in when he should have.  Still, I promised not to vent about him to my sister anymore because it really isn't very fair or nice of me.  And I'm sticking to that promise.  As difficult as hubby can be, I do love him and should cherish him rather than just complaining about him.