Incremental

Sometimes I try to convince myself otherwise.  I tell myself that that kind of thinking is negative and undermining.  That I can just learn to live life around activity and doing and not around food.  That if I could just be happy, or manage stress or exercise more, or find a secret well of willpower and self-discipline, then I will finally stop eating so damned much.  But, all of that is just fooling myself.  I am a food addict, pure and simple.  I used to be a cigarette smoker, so I know what addiction is.  Here is why I know I'm a food addict:

1.  My thoughts are consumed by eating and food.
2.  My behavior is often dictated by eating and food.
3.  I do things I later regret because of eating and food.
4.  I make poor choices when it comes to eating and food.
5.  My eating and food choices are counter to my long-term goals.
6.  I hurt myself with my eating and food.

There are many more, but I think that's enough just that list.  My food and eating habits are hurting me, every day, in a number of ways.  My health; my sense of wellbeing; my ability to move easily; pressure on my back which is already arthritic, and on my knees, causing me daily discomfort; my self confidence; my parenting choices (unhealthy foods for the kids, a poor role model and curtailing fun activities because I'm too uncomfortable with my weight); and on and on.  There are so many reasons I want to change these food and eating habits.  A lot of very good reasons.

However, I'm not going to make the mistakes I've made in the past.  I'm not going to say that tomorrow I will not eat sugar.  That's not the way to go about this.  Otherwise, tomorrow comes and I put it off to the next day and the next.  This is actually a common human error, to believe our tomorrow self will somehow be stronger, braver, with more willpower and self-discipline.  We actually project a lot of strength on our tomorrow self that our today self does not have.  Except, obviously we are the same tomorrow as we are today.  So, for tomorrow I can only do a little more than what I can do today.  Or maybe not even more; maybe just the same.  We have to work up to it slowly to realize that our tomorrow self is very similar to our today self.  We might even be weaker tomorrow than we are today - less able to pull from our willpower and self-discipline.

So, that is why I am starting very small.  Because whatever I can do today is what I can do tomorrow.  The changes have to be incremental to be long-lasting. 

So, for the next three weeks, I will exercise every day, for at least five minutes.  Intentional exercise.  Not just wandering around the grocery store, but putting on my tennis shoes and going out for exercise.  In three weeks, I'll see if I'm ready to add the next step.  Eventually I want to get to the point where I'm exercising and meditating and eating healthy, every day. As a matter of course.  Those are my longer-term aims.  My full long-term aim is to feel vital and alive and good and to embrace life, not hide from it.