That SO didn't work

Apparently, giving me carte blanch to eat what I want for a week and avoid exercise without self-censure is like giving an alcoholic the freedom to binge one night and then expect him not to drink again.  SO didn't work out well.  I haven't exercised one iota in two weeks now.  I have been eating tons of calories, not curbing myself in any way.  Most mornings my intentions are good when I start out, documenting my breakfast calories and donning my bodybugg, but they have tended to fly out the window by midday, if not sooner.  I haven't been this far off the rails in over a year. 

So, I decided to shock myself back into it by getting a new gym membership and taking advantage of a free session with a personal trainer.  If a one-hour workout with a professional trainer doesn't get me back into moving my bootie, nothing will. 

I had actually been looking into joining an exercise class, either Pilates or Zumba, because I do well in that environment.  I'm competitive enough that I don't slack off in class.  But the classes offered around here are ridiculously expensive, in my opinion.  The cheapest I found was $12 per session.  If I wanted to go twice a week, that's $24 a week!  Nearly a hundred dollars a month!  Just for two classes a week.  Crazy, right?  I thought so anyway.

So I looked into gyms and narrowed it down to LA Fitness.  The name put me off initially, but it's the closest gym to me and it offers the most classes (60 per week!) and when I checked it out it wasn't over crowded like the other gyms I've been to in the area.  They have more facilities in the area, which I figured is to my benefit, right?  Anyway, so I went last night and it really wasn't too busy, although I expect it was less crowded due to the holidays and it will get WAY more crowded in January but then slow down again after that.  I love the choice of classes, though. And the best part is it cost me nothing to sign up and I'm only paying $34 per month.  Yay me :)

So, I've logged my breakfast (oatmeal) and I'm ready to be a part of the diet game again.  I refuse to allow myself to remain off the rails.  I'm just lucky I haven't gained more weight (2 pounds).  Actually I'm AMAZED I haven't gained more weight, although I assume some of the weight I didn't lose was muscle turning into fat.  :/

Hope everyone else is faring better this holiday season!

Post Holiday

I'm both sad and glad the holidays are over.  Well, there's still New Year's but since we never go to any parties or celebrate the evening before, it is just an extra day off from work for me. 

I have to admit, I have been totally off plan for the past week.  I didn't even attempt to count calories and I didn't exercise once.  That's very rare, for me to go so long without exercising.  I just decided, at the beginning of the week, that I would take a week off.  I wouldn't worry about what I ate or how much I ate or how many calories I burned.  I wanted a break from the constant worrying and failures and feeling deprived.  It was nice not to have to think about every bite I ate.  It was a good break.

However, I only gave myself until Christmas day to enjoy the time off from dieting.  Today I'm supposed to be back on plan.  I started the morning by making a good breakfast choice (oatmeal) and entering my calories on Sparkpeople.  Hubby's xmas gift to me was a new watch for my Bodybugg so I can monitor my calorie burn to ensure I end up under that number by the end of the day.  I'll make sure I exercise today and watch what I eat. 

Totally Crap Weekend

Not sure what my problem was, but I was moody this weekend.  Saturday was okay but then I decided I wanted to repaint the kitchen to make it brighter.  Started working on it Saturday evening and quickly realized two things:  1. The paint was TOO bright, more like neon; 2. It was taking several coats to cover the orangish peach paint that was already on there, which meant I probably wasn't going to be done with the project before Christmas.  The hubby and I got into a fight.  Then I couldn't sleep and was up until 4 am when I finally took two Tylenol PM's and proceeded to sleep until 4 pm on Sunday.  Yep, I slept all through Sunday until 4 pm.  Woke feeling gross and not wanting to do anything.  Tried to rally and asked hubby if he wanted to go out, which he did, and booked us a table at an expensive restaurant.  I didn't want expensive restaurant; it's never worth the expense and we're on a tight budget.  He could tell I wasn't pleased with his choice but I didn't want to openly dismiss his efforts.  He knew, though, cuz I'm bad at hiding my feelings and we'd only just left the house when he turned around and drove back.  Once we got home, he called and cancelled the reservations and expressed his frustration that he feels like he can never do anything right.  After talking for a few minutes, he decided we should go elsewhere and we ended up at Sizzler, which is good for my budget.  I ate WAY too much; I mean, way, way, way too much.  It was like I was intent on totally undoing all the efforts of the previous week.  Which I may have been, because I can be self-destructive like that.  Or maybe I was rebelling against the week of denying myself and feeling hungry.  Whatever the reason, I ate my weight in fattening foods.  Came home and drank my weight in margaritas.  We did manage to have a few moments of intimacy that was good for us because it's so rare anymore, but otherwise we did our own thing and I fell into a drunken sleep at 2 am.  Woke this morning at the same weight I'd been before last week, with a headache and a distinct dislike of the morning.  The house is a wreck, laundry piled up, tons of work to be done, and a very partially painted kitchen with the doors off. 

6 Days

That's how many consecutive days I managed to keep a deficit.  Yesterday I ate over 1900 calories.  I'm trying not to be too disappointed with myself because I've done well and I don't want to start another downward spiral.  Just accept it and move on.  Today is another day.  All that.

Don't know what we're going to do today, though.  It's rainy and miserable outside.  I have no spending money at the moment and hubby is working today.  The kids and I are rather tired of being in the house after the past week, so we want to go out and do something, just don't know what.

Update

Another good day.  I ate 1369 calories and walked/jogged 2.2 miles.  I was actually hoping to keep my calories at 1200 today, but as long as it's under 1400, I'm happy.  My weight loss will be slower, but compared to the 1800 to 2500 calories I was regularly eating, anything under 1400 is excellent.  And I'm still exercising most days.  (I didn't yesterday because I was feeling lazy, but I have to allow myself an occasional day off.)

I finally found hubby's xmas present tonight, so I'm happy about that.  Everyone is done!  I finished making my mom's scarf yesterday.  I just need to wrap it.  Everyone else's presents are wrapped.

The kids are officially done with school until next year.  I actually prefer them being home.  I like to know what they're doing.  And I don't have to get up at 6:15 :)  Or worry about homework and getting to bed on time, etc. etc. 

I've done really well with my work hours.  Just need to get through tomorrow and then the weekend will be a welcome relief.  Have set up to meet a woman on Monday to walk with and one on Tuesday morning to walk with.  Also possibly to meet at a 24 hour fitness with another woman, but I haven't heard from her for a couple days so maybe she's changed her mind.  No matter. 

Winning Streak

I'm still on my winning streak of staying on target for my weight loss.  Yesterday I closed the day out at 1330 calories and had walked and done Pilates.  Today I've eated about 630 calories thus far and dinner is 520 calories, leaving me 100 or 200 calories for a snack if I need it.  I haven't walked yet because I've been working and had to help my mom out earlier, but I will definitely be getting on the treadmill later.  I didn't get a chance to do some active outside because it's been rainy, but I'll do that tomorrow if the weather allows for it.  At least I got out of the house, though, when I helped my mom out.  It's essential I get out of the house for even a few minutes every day for my mental wellbeing.

I feel pretty content at the moment, with having had a good few days of sticking to my diet; the house is clean and the smell of dinner cooking; my workday nearly over and a quiet evening to look forward to, finishing my mom's xmas present (a knitted scarf) while listening to a new book on my iPod.  I finished wrapping presents last night, so that job is done.  Can't really complain about anything at the moment.  I may even get some writing done tonight on my book.

Day 4

of being on target.  I've calculated out my calories down to my last snack of the night to 1350 calories.  My goal for exercise is to do Pilates while watching BL.  I hurt my knee today, so no walking.  Just floor exercises.  But it's good for my back so that's okay.  I'm so happy with myself for managing to stay in my calorie target for four days in a row!  Well, today isn't over, but I'm actually not worried.  I've proven that I can do it over the last few days and I'm DETERMINED!  More determined than I've felt in a long time.  I don't know what triggered it, but I'm riding that wave.

Last week I put in an ad through Craigslist for a weight loss/workout/motivation partner.  I've had a few hits that I immediately discounted (weird responses and guys) but two sounds very promising.  I'm in the midst of arranging date/time to meet them through email.  In a public place, of course :).  It's very cool.  Not only will it be good to have someone to work out with and help keep me going, but I don't have any friends left from childhood and having moved so much in the last few years I've lost contact with any other acquaintances I've had.  Working from home, I have no contact with people.  So, except for hubby and family, I don't talk to or socialize with anyone.  So, having the opportunity to talk to someone not family will be great!  Unless I don't like them, of course :/

Work has  been going well, too, for the most part.  Going well in that I'm working my full hours.  Not so well with actually getting caught up with my work, though.